In some states, mediation is simply a forum where a neutral third party attempts to resolve custody disagreements amongst parents before a judge hearing. Here are 7 tips for a successful child custody mediation.
Divorce can be a difficult process and can be more difficult when children are involved. Having a successful child custody mediation is essential in creating a productive environment for your children to grow up in. Parents should remain open to compromise, have a plan before the mediation, put their feelings to the side, and prioritize their children’s needs are successful ways to have a respectful child custody mediation process.
What is a Child Custody Mediation?
Child custody mediation is an alternative dispute resolution designed to help divorced parents reach a legal agreement on physical custody with their children, minus the expense and trauma of a traditional child custody court hearing.
The parents will meet with a trained mediator and discuss child custody and other marital issues the spouses disagree on. Mediators are not family law attorneys or therapists. A mediator’s job is to find a compromise with the parents and disputed child custody. At the end of a successful mediation, the parents will sign a settlement agreement that a judge will be review and approve.
Related: What to Expect in Child Custody Mediation
How to Prepare for Child Custody Mediation
1. Maintaining open to compromise.
Remaining open to compromise is very important. You may have ideas that you think are best, and your ex may have a different perspective. Focusing on your child’s best interest will lead to a more civil mediation between you and your ex-partner.
2. Be ready to discuss legal and physical custody of children.
Physical custody refers to the primary place the child will live daily with their custodial parent. This parent has legal custody and is responsible for determining education and other child-rearing decisions (i.e., religious training). Both parents will maintain parental rights and responsibilities. However, be prepared to discuss where the child’s primary residence will be.
3. Have a proposed plan before mediation.
Bring a proposed custody parenting plan to the mediation. Remember to include:
- Handling transitions (picking up and dropping off children when it’s time for them to be with the other parent)
- How to divide holidays throughout the year (for example, whether the schedule will be the same each year or will alternate)
- School break and summer vacation arrangements
- Best ways to communicate about children (phone or email)
- Any other potential problems such as illness or substance abuse issues worth addressing
Related: How to Get Full Child Custody Without Going to Court
4. Listen to your children.
Children should have a voice in your child custody negotiations, as it impacts their lives. Parents should remember their child’s feelings during the mediation. A child’s exposure to conflict and bickering between parents can cause trauma. Allowing your children to have a voice in these proceedings will empower them and help the judge make the best decisions for your child.
5. Be mindful of your language.
Referring to your children using possessive pronouns such as “my child” is a red flag for mediators, attorneys, and your spouse. Being mindful of your language can make your spouse more comfortable, and create an environment for a successful mediation.
6. Leave your emotions at the door.
No matter the anger and hurt you have for your ex-spouse, child custody mediation is not the forum to discuss those problems. Parents should dedicate this time to their children. Your focus should be moving toward a productive co-parenting relationship, and the best way to do that is to leave your emotions out of it. Emotionally raged mediations will lead to little progress being made. Being mature and putting the past behind you will ensure your child’s happiness in the future.
7. Be open to new ways of life.
Your relationship with your children will remain positive if the parents embrace their new schedule and life together. Being open to unconventional parenting agreements can be beneficial for your children, and putting your personal feelings aside can help you cope with the divorce in the long term. Flexibility goes a long way in protecting your children’s feelings and creating a beneficial life for them.
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If you or a loved one would like to learn more about successful child custody mediation, get your free consultation with one of our child custody attorneys today!