Being a witness to a boyfriend sexually assaulting another individual can be a frightening and emotionally-burdening experience. Here’s what to do if your boyfriend sexually assaulted someone.
Prioritize Safety and Evidence
If your intimate partner sexually assaulted someone, prioritize your safety, along with the victim’s safety. If you do not personally know the victim or cannot contact the victim. focus on your own safety first. Before making the decision to treat your intimate partner as a sexual assaulter, make sure that it is not gossip, rumors, or any unreliable evidence that orients your decision-making. If there is sufficient evidence of the incident, the following steps can be taken.
What to do if you personally know the victim?
If the victim of the sexual assault is someone you know, do not force yourself into the matter at hand; allow the victim to approach you or approach the victim in a non-hostile manner.
The victim can be sad, angry, afraid, or in denial. It is essential not to judge their reaction as irrational or unusual. For example, the victim may laugh randomly or appear to be apathetic to the entire situation. In some cases of sexual assault, the victim is harmed by an individual that they trust and know, thus complicating their ability to process emotions about the event. The following are some common sense behaviors when dealing with a sexual assault victim:
1. Believe the victim.
Rather than forcing the victim to give up all details of the situation, inform your friend that you believe them and are willing to help them in any way possible.
2. Listen to the victim.
If a friend, co-worker, or colleague exposes that they have been sexually assaulted, it likely means that they trust you enough to tell you. It may be difficult to listen due to the involvement of your intimate partner, but it can mean preventing further sexual assault from taking place. Also, this could potentially maximize your safety. If you have reason to believe that the individual telling you this has a hostile agenda against your boyfriend, listen and provide compassion regardless.
3. Provide Options to the Victim
Allow the victim to decide their course of action. If you witnessed the assault, it may be difficult to watch a friend choose not to pursue legal action. However, it is in the best interest of all parties that the victim maintains a sense of control. Potential resources include medical, law enforcement, non-profits, etc.
Related: Resources for Sexual Assault Victims in California
4. Do not ignore your own mental health.
Sexual assault resources are available to all parties impacted by the event. Do not allow your mental and emotional health to deteriorate as you try to help someone deal with a sexual assault.
What if the victim chooses not to report?
It is likely that a victim does not want to report the assault for personal reasons. A victim may request that all conversations about the event remain private. There are several reasons an individual may want to prevent their assault experience from being leaked.
- the perpetrator knows the victim.
- The victim has a concern that no one will believe them.
- A victim may be confused about the criminal justice system or local resources available to sexual assault survivors.
- The victim was involved in drug use during the incident, so they are concerned about getting into legal trouble
Regardless of the victim’s legal recourse, let them know of all potential resources and inform them that you are there for them.
In the case that a party is certain that their boyfriend was undeniably responsible for the sexual assault, the party should distance themselves from their boyfriend. A boyfriend may be more likely to assault others, including their own intimate partner.
If the victim has chosen not to report, then it may be in the boyfriends’ partner’s best interest to anonymously report the incident. However, it is essential that you receive consent from the victim if you do so.
Related: How to Report Sexual Assault in California
FAQS
Can I file a restraining order even if I wasn’t the victim of the assault?
If there is reasonable evidence to suggest you are endangered by the perpetrator of the sexual assault, you can file a restraining order.
Related: Restraining Order in California
What should I do if my boyfriend has sexually assaulted me?
If you decide to report, go to the police as soon as possible. If you choose not to report, find a reliable emotional support group or sexual harassment resource in California.
Contact Us
If your boyfriend sexually assaulted someone in California, contact us. We’ll get you in touch with the most qualified attorneys for your unique legal matter. Get your free consultation with one of our experienced sexual assault attorneys in California today!