How do you tell your husband you want a divorce?
If you want to tell your husband you want a divorce, it’s important to do so carefully. Here’s how to tell your husband you want a divorce.
Before you tell your husband you want a divorce, sit down with a divorce attorney to discuss your options. Then, choose an appropriate time and place, and tell him you’ve decided to end your marriage. Avoid discussing details and be gentle, but firm.
Think Hard About If You Want a Divorce
The words “I want a divorce” are hard to take back. Once the topic of divorce has been broached in marriage, healing past wounds may become more difficult. Before you tell your husband you want a divorce, do some soul-searching; you can talk to a therapist to make sure you make the right decision. In heated moments or disputes, a spouse may feel as though divorce is the only way out. Be honest with yourself and know for certain you want to end this marriage. Divorce is a big commitment, and it’s important that you truly know, deep down, that you’re making the right decision.
Sit Down With an Attorney
Consider speaking with a divorce attorney before you tell your husband you want a divorce. Although talking about divorce to a lawyer before your husband may seem unnatural, an attorney can explain your options and advise you on how to break the news to your spouse. Your attorney can give you advice on what to say, and more importantly, what not to say. This can help set the divorce on the right track.
If you’re looking to tell your husband you want a divorce, our divorce attorneys for women can advise you on how to break the news. Your first consultation is free.
Keep It to Yourself Before You Tell Your Husband You Want a Divorce
Don’t tell anyone, besides a therapist or lawyer, that you’re planning to tell your husband you want a divorce. If your husband gets news that you want a divorce before you even speak to him about it, he may feel betrayed. This can set the divorce on the wrong track. You’re going to want to establish trust between you and your husband; if other people know your marriage is ending before your husband does, that trust can easily be broken.
Choose an Appropriate Time & Place
There’s really no perfect time to bring up divorce with your husband, but some scenarios are more fitting than others to broach the subject. Choose a time when neither of you is busy and a place without distractions. If you have children, consider making arrangements for them to be out of the house. As the discussion can become emotional, try to avoid bringing up the divorce in a car or public area.
Choosing when to bring up divorce is just as important as how you discuss it. Timing is everything, so try not to bring up the subject when other major life events are occurring simultaneously. Hold off on discussing divorce if your spouse or close relative is ill, or if your husband just got laid off his job. While these outside forces may be contributing to your decision, you don’t want these forces to exacerbate the issue you’re about to bring up.
Be Gentle, But Firm
The way you tell your husband you want a divorce can have a great impact on how your divorce unfolds. Don’t make the discussion about being his or your fault; focus the conversation on moving forward. Of course, you’ll need to give him time to process what you’ve just told him. You’ve been thinking about this moment for some time, and he most likely hasn’t. Give your spouse the time and space to let this sink in.
Be direct, yet respectful. The truth can hurt, so it’s important to consider your husband’s feelings in this situation. Chances are your relationship is strained, but put yourself in his shoes and consider how you would feel. Careful compassion can help guide the discussion in a productive manner.
Don’t Discuss Details
Discussing the details of what led up to your decision can sidetrack the conversation. Don’t defend yourself or accuse him of wrongdoing. Instead, emphasize these three points:
- This is my decision and I won’t change my mind
- We must now move on from our past mistakes
- I want to have a civilized and respectful divorce
Avoid playing the blame game. Also, don’t bring up any details about the divorce itself, regarding property division, spousal support, child support, or child custody. Discussions relating to these issues can really exacerbate an already tense situation. This discussion is to introduce divorce to your marriage; don’t try to settle divorce terms in this conversation.
Be Ready for His Reaction
Your husband can feel shocked after you tell him you want a divorce, and feelings of anger or retaliation can follow. Support your spouse through these discussions. When speaking, try to frame sentences through “I” rather than “you”. You definitely don’t want this to turn into a blame game.
Strive for “Right Relations”
You’re gonna have to cooperate with your husband during and even after the divorce, so you should do everything you can to keep good relations with him. In and after this discussion, emphasize that you want to have a fair, civil divorce. This build trust will serve as the bedrock for a smooth divorce between you and your spouse.
When you bring up divorce to your husband, consider the following mantra:
“This is my decision, and I won’t change my mind. It’s not your fault or mine, so let’s acknowledge the past and move forward.”
FAQs Before Divorce
Should I talk to a divorce lawyer before I tell my husband I want a divorce?
Although talking about divorce to a lawyer before your husband may seem unnatural, an attorney can explain your options and advise you on how to break the news to your spouse. This can help set the divorce on the right track.
Should you talk with your husband before filing for divorce?
Telling you’re husband that you want to end your marriage before filing for divorce can help both of you prepare for what’s to come. This is a big life change, and keeping your husband filled in can help ensure a cooperative divorce.
Can my husband and I just agree upon divorce before filing in California?
You and your husband can agree to and draft divorce terms before filing the initial divorce papers with the court. Either way, the divorce will take a minimum of six months.
Contact Us
If you’re asking how to tell your husband you want a divorce, contact us. One of our divorce lawyers can help you broach the subject. We’ll get you in touch with the most qualified attorney for your unique legal situation.