Preparing Your Child for Divorce
Divorce can be tough on children, especially if they haven’t emotionally prepared for it. Here’s how to prepare your child for divorce.
To best prepare your child for divorce, (1) tell them only after the divorce has begun, (2) make sure you and your spouse are on the same page, and (3) find the right setting. (4) Break the news together, and (5) show family unity. (6) Make them understand it’s not their fault, (7) don’t patronize them, (8) be expressive and honest, (9) avoid blame, and (10) let them have a voice.
1. Tell Them Only Once the Divorce Has Begun
Too often, spouses jump the gun and tell their kids that they’re getting a divorce (when they don’t actually end up getting one). This can leave your child confused and unsure about the state and condition of their family. Wait until you’ve actually begun your divorce before telling your child about it.
2. Be on the Same Page With Your Spouse
Before breaking the news to your child, make sure that you and your spouse are on the page about what you’re going to share. You may want to start by introducing the idea to your child first, then fill them in with more details later. Problems can arise if one spouse is sharing information with the child that the other parent doesn’t want to be shared. If you want your child to be ready for this divorce, you and your spouse are going to have to work together.
3. Find the Right Setting
It’s important that you and your spouse have the right environment to tell your child about the divorce. Choose a setting free of distractions or interruptions so that the child can absorb every part of what you’re telling them. Set an hour or two of uninterrupted time to have this talk with your child.
4. Give the Talk Together
Both parents should be present when breaking the news of divorce to a child. If one parent is missing from the discussion, the child may be left to lay blame on that spouse or be hesitant to display his or her emotions in the future. The best way to start this divorce is together.
5. Show Unity Between You and Your Spouse
One of the most important parts of this divorce is for you and your spouse to show your child that you’re not fighting. Both parents should show that what’s happening is best for the family and that you’re both working together to create a brighter future.
6. Make Them Understand It’s Not Their Fault
Unfortunately, children feel as though their parent’s differences are because of them. It’s important to tell your child that this is not true. Explain that the divorce has absolutely nothing to do with you or your spouse’s love for your child. Your child must understand that what’s happening is nobody’s fault.
7. Don’t Patronize Them
Kids may turn rebellious if you patronize them. Routinely ask them how they’re feeling, but don’t make them feel as though they should be upset about what’s happening. Of course, it’s normal for them to feel that way, but your child may be more accepting of this situation than you think. Don’t try to overcompensate for the divorce by excessively buying them gifts; this may seem disingenuous. Make sure that they’re expressing their emotions with you, but don’t overdo it.
8. Be Expressive and Honest
It’s important that you remain open about what’s happening in the divorce. Try to avoid keeping secrets as much as possible. Too many secrets kept can make the child feel as though they’re uninformed and not a part of what’s happening. You and your spouse should be expressive and honest about what’s happening and how you’re feeling about the divorce.
9. Avoid Blame
Avoiding placing blame on your spouse when talking to your child about the divorce. Explain that it’s nobody’s fault and that you and your spouse have decided to just move on. Try not to get into the specifics of your marriage with your child; that can unleash a serious conversation that may not be appropriate for your child to comprehend.
10. Let Them Have a Voice
Kids often feel like they don’t have a say in their parents’ divorce. Make them feel like they do. For example, take them house-shopping if you’re looking for a new place to live. Your child should be able to have a say in their lives. Giving them a say in what’s happening can help them prepare for and accept your divorce.
Free Consultation With a California Divorce Attorney
If you need to prepare your child for divorce, contact us. We’ll get you in touch with a professional that can help your family through this entire ordeal. Get your free consultation with one of our Divorce Attorneys in California today!