Parallel parenting is essentially a technique used by divorced parents who wish to avoid and limit contact with one another. This type of parenting is most commonly found within high-conflict divorces, but there are important benefits and drawbacks to keep in mind when deciding on a parenting style with an ex-spouse. Here’s everything you need to know about how parallel parenting works, and whether it may be a right fit for you.
What Exactly Does Parallel Parenting Entail?
This arrangement is used by divorced parents so that they are able to successfully co-parent while having limited direct contact with one another. Parallel parenting may also prove to be useful in situations where parents are unable to communicate with each other in a respectful manner, but they still wish to be actively involved in their child’s life. Within a parallel parenting arrangement, parents may organize different decisions such as who will be responsible for medical issues and who will be responsible for organizing their schooling.
Benefits of Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting benefits children of a high conflict divorce in several ways. For one thing, the child-parent relationships are protected, and the children are more shielded from parental conflict. This facilitates a more functional co-parenting situation in high-conflict instances, as it remains important to consider the child’s direct exposure to any conflict which can be emotionally or psychologically harmful. As a whole, parallel parenting allows both parents to demonstrate that they are both equally important in a child’s life despite whatever hostility or tension remains between them.
One tool that many parallel-parents find beneficial is a “parent communication notebook”, in which each parent writes a summary of the child’s daily routines, emotions, and behaviors observed while they are with them. This notebook allows for respectful communication between the parents, and they are able to keep track of information such as school-related issues, the child’s health, and the child’s other needs. For parents that would prefer speaking to a neutral third party rather than keeping track in a notebook, there is also the option of a “parenting meeting” with a neutral third party present. The presence of a third party can diffuse possible conflict while parents voice any concerns.
Tips for Creating a Parenting Plan
If a couple believes parallel parenting may be beneficial to them, here are a few useful tips to avoid problems and maintain a stable child-parent relationship. Many of these tips may also be useful to bring up in family court to make arrangements official.
- Determine how time spent with the children will be split between parents
- Ask a court for a mediator (or parenting coordinator) to handle disputes
- Establish locations, start times, and end times for each visit and pick-up
- Outline a plan in case one parent needs to cancel, and include details on time to make up for the canceled visit
Related: How to Make a Parenting Time Schedule in California
Potential Disadvantages to Parallel Parenting
It is always important to remember that each family’s divorce situation is unique, and they should choose a parenting style that benefits them. There are varying levels of high conflict parenting that may not be suitable for this style of parenting, such as couples exhibiting family violence and other instances where child and parent safety are at risk. Furthermore, another disadvantage that may arise in a parallel-parenting situation is the lack of consistency between homes, whether it be communication issues or one parent not matching the other’s lifestyle and expectations. Modifications to parallel parenting plans may be necessary as the child grows up and life changes.
FAQs About How Parallel Parenting Works
How does parallel parenting differ from co-parenting?
Co-parenting usually means that both parents are in consistent communication with one another. This can lead to a more cohesive parenting style between the separate households. Unlike parallel parents, co-parents have discussions about the rules and boundaries for their kids, and thus run their households in a similar fashion.
Related: Co-Parenting vs Parallel Parenting in California
How would I know if parallel parenting is right for my situation?
For those coming out of a relationship with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive partner, parallel parenting may be a healthier and more beneficial choice than co-parenting. For further information or help arranging a parallel parenting agreement, it may be useful to speak with an experienced child custody lawyer.
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