Handling a spouses’ anger and other emotions can be difficult, especially while dealing with your own. Anger is a common response to loss. Here’s what to know about how to handle a spouse’s anger during a divorce.
Divorce and Anger
Spouses may feel angry when the reality of their divorce settles. It is important to be an empathetic person and understand that there are multiple places a partner’s anger could be coming from. Anger is part of grief, and working with a therapist would help both of you to have a civil divorce. Working with an experienced divorce therapist will be beneficial in the longer run.
When a partner files for divorce, both partners can find it difficult. Effectively handling a spouse’s rage relies on understanding the anger at its source. Anger after divorce is a natural emotion, and it is valid. If you are the spouse dealing with anger in this situation, here are tips to effectively deal with a spouse’s anger.
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Understanding and Dealing with an Angry Spouse During Divorce
The most effective way for a spouse to deal with their partner’s anger is by being empathetic and supportive. Being a good person and accepting responsibility for your role in ending the relationship is important. Have some empathy and understanding that this is a significant life change for both of you, and it will take time to get adjusted.
It is also important to remember that anger comes from multiple places. What looks like anger is not always anger. Knowing the source of the feeling is important. For your spouse and you, it may feel easier to be angry at each other than feeling guilty or sad for hurting your spouse. Some people may resort to anger rather than process those uncomfortable and raw feelings.
Related: Are Divorce Records Public And Can They Be Found Online?
Remember, Anger is a Natural Part of Grief
The five stages of grief identified by Elisabeth Kugler-Ross include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages may apply to grieving the loss of a loved one, and in this case, a loss of marriage.
It is important to view anger from your partner as just another stage of processing the end of your marriage. Understanding this will help you process the anger from your partner and be more empathetic. Spouses should expect to feel anger once divorce settles. A spouse during this time may verbally lash out, but remember that angry outbursts are just part of the grieving process. Knowing the difference between outbursts and actual threats will prevent you from being retaliatory and making the situation worst.
Courts expect parties to engage in good faith mediation to resolve issues during divorce. Having a family law attorney lets you engage in this good faith mediation with support and calmly work toward a win-win situation.
Although a family attorney is important during this time, a therapist experienced in divorce is also important. A therapist can help you and your spouse achieve a perspective that makes it easier to deal with your emotions. When you are coming from a place of understanding, you are more thoughtful and productive in your choices during the divorce, leading to a calmer divorce overall. An experienced therapist will help you achieve that perspective.
Handling the Abusive or Controlling Angry Spouse
A spouse who is abusive and controlling is particularly dangerous during a divorce. These types of former spouses may lash out in pain and fear. If your spouse is accustomed to being in control, divorce is frightening as it is an obvious sign of them losing their power over you. Because of this, their behavior can become unpredictable. It is important to be transparent with your family law attorney to protect yourself and your children during this time.
Dealing with Your Anger in Divorce
Understanding that grief and anger are natural during divorce can help with your inevitable anger in the process. Although your anger may be justified, you do not need to lead with anger during the divorce process. Doing so will only harm your future in a co-parenting relationship if you have children with your spouse.
As recommended, it is highly encouraged to work with a therapist experienced in divorce to help you process your feelings, understand where they are coming from, and handle them productively.
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