An emotionally abusive relationship may not be as easy to identify as a physically abusive one. However, there are several signs to look out for when trying to identify an emotionally abusive relationship. Here are 9 signs of an emotionally abusive husband.
1. Irrational Jealousy
If your partner becomes increasingly possessive or accusatory of cheating or disloyalty, this may be a red flag. This worsening jealousy may result in the need to prove sole devotion to them more frequently, which may be through cutting off friendships to avoid conflict, spending less time with other people, or sacrificing family gatherings. If you find that your partner has increasingly isolated you from support systems such as family and friends, this may be an attempt to increase your dependency on the spousal relationship. This may be a sign of an emotionally abusive husband.
Related: 6 Telltale Signs of Abuse in a Relationship
2. No Personal Space Allowed
It may not be concerning at first if your partner exhibits a protective and subtle jealousy of you. However, when this protectiveness morphs into possessiveness and takes over your mental and physical accessibility, this may be an issue. Emotionally abusive partners may be excessively paranoid and expect you to answer their every call or message. This possessiveness may also be demonstrated through their constant questioning of where you go or who you speak with. Behavior like this may be justified with past issues of mistrust or that they are simply concerned for your safety, but there is a line where this becomes overwhelming and emotionally exhausting.
3. Excessive Defensiveness
There is less room for healthy communication when you constantly have to defend yourself. In a relationship, it is necessary for both partners to be able to speak openly. However, open communication may be nearly impossible if your spouse is consistently berating you or making you feel as though you need to apologize for things in and out of your control.
4. Threats
Threats coming from a partner, or truly anyone, puts you in a position of danger. These threats may be in the form of blackmail, physical harm to you or themselves, intimidation, or other statements with the same intent. This emotional abuse tactic makes a partner feel as though they are trapped in a corner and are unable to leave the relationship at the risk of something happening either to themselves or their partner.
5. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation which causes victims to doubt their own recollection, beliefs, and sanity. You may be experiencing gaslighting if you are consistently told by your partner that concerns or memories you bring up are “stupid”, “false” or even “crazy”. Gaslighting may also occur when you try to confront your partner about things they ridicule you for, but they make you second guess yourself or brush you off for “overreacting”.
6. Unpredictable or Obsessive Displays of Affection
If you decide not to comply with your emotionally abusive husband’s demands for affection, they might decide to withdraw all together or use it against you. It is emotionally abusive to base a relationship on the sole willingness of you to conform to what they want. They may use affection as a tactic to exploit and control you.
7. Putting on an Act
It may be difficult to escape an emotionally abusive situation when your partner puts on one persona in public and another when they’re alone with you. Your partner acts charming and personable around others in public but displays a different persona in private. This can be a difficult thing to deal with, as many victims in this position feel that no one else would believe the mistreatment they endure due to their partner’s other public persona.
8. Stonewalling, or Emotional Withholding
Emotional withholding is essentially when a partner stonewalls or shuts down passive-aggressively. Part of being in a healthy relationship is open and honest communication. When one partner refuses to address serious issues or patterns of behavior, this may put their partner in a difficult and external position in the relationship. It is not a normal pattern to have to beg your partner to let you in on their inner thoughts and feelings, especially when these feelings may lead to aggressive outbursts with no opportunity for resolution.
9. Shifting the Blame
Victims of an emotionally abusive relationship are often made to believe that they are at fault for their abuse and unhappiness. Any arguments with your partner may be turned around onto you and make you feel as though you were the one who brought the issue on. With this red flag, your partner never accepts personal responsibility and instead uses you or others around them as an outlet for this anger and blame. You should never have to force yourself to try harder not to upset a partner, or accept their emotional outbursts as proof of deep affection.
Related: Emotional Abuse Laws in California
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Crisis Text Line:
US and Canada text Home to 741741
UK text Home to 85258
Ireland text Home to 50808
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-779-SAFE (7233)
Safe Horizon Hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or your country’s local emergency number.
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If you have have experienced signs that your husband is emotionally abusive, contact us. Get your free consultation with one of our California domestic violence attorneys today!