Parenting after a divorce can be very complicated for both parents. Here is everything you need to know about about co-parenting vs parallel parenting in California.
While they may sound similar, co-parenting and parallel parenting are on opposite sides of the parenting after divorce spectrum. Co-parenting is an option in which both parents work together to raise their children, constantly communicating and having similar parenting styles. Parallel parenting is when parents only communicate when absolutely necessary, such as transition periods between homes. Parents that opt for parallel parenting often have very different parenting styles and usually have a deep resentment for one another. There is no correct answer as to which parenting method to choose, and there are plenty of mediums between co-parenting and parallel parenting to ensure that parents have the best situation possible for them and their children.
Co-Parenting vs. Parallel Parenting
Co-parenting and parallel parenting may sound similar, but they are on completely opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to parenting in separate households. Co-parenting is when both parents continue to jointly play an active role in their children’s lives. This involves parents staying in contact to parent their children together, but in separate households. Now, this is not a viable option for all families, but it can be a very desirable option for parents willing to put aside their differences for their child’s benefit.
Parallel parenting is when parents agree to communicate no more than what is necessary. Now, this definition of what is necessary differs for all families, but usually starts off as more often communication when the child is younger, and less communication once the child is old enough to transport themselves from home to home. Many families that engage in parallel parenting often only communicate for transition periods, to ensure that their child is being dropped off at a time when the other parent will be home, or to make sure that there are no gaps in the custody schedule. This is usually the best option for parents whose differences are too great to set aside.
Related: How to Make a Parenting Time Schedule in California
When to Consider Co-Parenting
In order for co-parenting to work, both parents must be fully committed to making the arrangement work. They must be willing to work together no matter what differences may come up, along with having a desire to keep in contact with each other. Some characteristics of a successful co-parenting relationship are:
- Both parents wanting to maintain an active role in their children’s lives,
- Both parents are willing to end their marriage on amicable terms and put their children’s best interests above their own,
- Both parents are confident in their ability to successfully co-parent.
When to Consider Parallel Parenting
Parallel parenting is the best option for parents who are not on good terms following a separation or divorce. The parents may be openly hostile, and are usually not willing or able to put their differences aside in order to focus on what is best for their child. Some examples of scenarios in which parents would be best suited for parallel parenting are:
- One or both parents are unwilling to work together in order to create and follow a custody and parenting plan,
- One or both parents harbor resentment towards each other,
- One or both parents fundamentally disagree with the other parent’s parenting decisions.
What if neither option is right for me and my family?
Most parents feel as though each option is a little extreme, and end up creating a parenting agreement that is somewhere in between co-parenting and parallel parenting. All families are different, and no two parenting agreements will be exactly alike. Couples should work with their attorneys or the courts to figure out the best plan that can work for their specific family unit.
Related: What to Do If Your Ex Refuses to Co-Parent in California
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